Dear Blue Heart!

I read what you had to say to me, and because there's just no way I can tell you so many things over there, I'm going to do it here.

There's nothing moving beyond you, and what I have with and for you. Just always tell this to yourself, because I may not be there to say this to you, no matter how many times I want to. Okay?

Now, I know there's so much you want to and need to know. But you also know why I'm not being able to do it. It does not mean I don't want to.

Accha now instead of ranting, I'll tell you a few things.

Remember all those nights when I taught you to talk over whispers, taught it to you to such an extent that you could literally do it better than me? I miss that, because nobody else has been able to learn that ever again. Not that I've tried, but even if I did, I know nobody can ever surpass the level that you reached. Aur yaad hai, they were all little stuff, stupid conversations, half of which made just no sense. Most of which was either of us ranting! :P

Remember all those mornings when you called up asking me to hurry up and not get late, cause you'd be there waiting for me, on time -  right outside the gate, trying your hardest to convince me to bunk the lecture, and I almost would (except when it was Tax). I topped that subject you know?

Sunn, I know all those little things made all the difference, and now that they don't happen, it feels incomplete. But its not like that, I don't know how to convince you of that.

Accha, I'll tell you the little things you want to know.

So, Badi mummy, bade papa, aur wo (I hope you know whom I'm referring to) yahan par. Wahi unka sick mentality, which I'm sort of getting used to, or at least trying. They annoy me highly sometimes with the rude things they say and do, and I loose my calm, but then somebody or the other calms me down. Yahan itna hi hai, made no new friends here. Accha, aur ek cousin cum friend hai yahan who's getting married. She got engaged a week ago, and I feel shit scared after it. Feels like ham kya sach mein bade ho gaye hain? Itne bade already?

Aur ghar pe, Yamini ka JEE nhi clear hua, so she's trying for Manipal or SRM or other colleges in south (for obvious reasons), aur Yashu ka Medical ka kuch pta nhi kahan hoga. So, beside my studies, those two are on my head. Gamu n Vedu have grown more notorious than when you met them. Mumma is okayish, she's also learning to ignore (better late than never). Papa's back abhi. He'll go back after my exams, when I come back here.

Aur kya bataun, aise achanak yaad karne se kuch aa hi nhi raha dimaag mein.

You remember how I used to show you (usually read kar ke sunati thi) something I'd written? Ab yahan koi hai hi nahi, and there are so many pieces lying just like that, without a review from anybody. School mein kuch log the, phir college mein I found Navrang and you quite jaldi, par yahan to do saaal ho gaye hain, and I've found nobody. NOBODY!!! Such a loner I feel like! But not really, I write, forget that I'd written it, and then read it many days later, and pat myself for it ;) I'm getting used to the idea of myself.

Han to the other day, I was watching Permanent Roommates because I was bored. And I was watching it probably for the third time. I love Mickey yaar. And his Khhoooll! and the way he says, "Hi Tannuu". And the way he's always so sorted and stupid, and he's just too good to be real yaar. So okay, when I was watching it, I was reminded of my love for role plays, which I'd buried deep somewhere. Listen to Ankit Chadha's Dastangoi on Kabir. And then imagine a conversation between Shakespeare and Ankit wala version of Kabir. Maza aa jayega. I wanna do that in real. My shakespeare fantasy that is. :D

Okay, I'll write to you later now.

And never ever let such stupid thoughts take over you. Okay?

I'm far. Really really far. I'm not there to hear you when you need me to be. I don't know when that seconds of video call is going to grow longer. I don't know when I'm gonna get to give you a hug again, (for now, a few days to go). I disappoint you often. But I miss you a lot. I know what its like to not have just one person and feel something missing, but we don't have an option. This mess will clear up soon. I'm hoping it will. And we'll be back. Okay?

Umeedein rozana zinda hongi.. Phir kyun duniyaa umeedein karti nhi!!?? (yaad aaya?)

Accha suno,
Rona nahi hai okay?

Love you tons,
Purple Heart
💜💙